A while back I had my very own boudoir session. Now I’ve taken boudoir selfies, had my husband work the camera while I posed myself etc, but this time I wanted all the attention, all the glam, and the full experience.

I reached out to my friend Jenni in Cleveland. I set up a session with her about 3 months out, and I thought that would be plenty of time to shop and lose a few pounds, and get mentally ready.

Let me tell you. If I learned ANYTHING about being on the other side of the camera, it was about nervousness and feeling under prepared. I shopped probably half a dozen times, trying on outfit after outfit, hating the way they looked on me, because I didn’t look like the women in the ads, on Jenni’s website, or even the women coming into my studio. I hated everything and I cried. I also spent so much money on things I never wore, but also never returned. Eventually I settled on two outfits and ran out of time. PS I hadn’t lost any weight.

The morning of my session I had a huge zit, I was crabby, stressed, worried I would look like a whale, and to top it off, I started my period on the drive to Cleveland. Then I stopped for Dunkin Donuts because f*ck it!

So let me tell you what happened next. When I got there we started hair and makeup, my heart was pounding. Even though this is a friend of mine and an extremely talented photographer, I had told myself all these stories about how I must be the biggest client she’s ever had, and she’d never had a client with such awful back acne, and blah blah blah alllll this crap that was probably not true ( I don’t even know).

What I do know is that even though I was nervous during hair and makeup, once the shoot started and I was in my first outfit (body suit), I was UNstoppable. I felt incredible. I felt sexy. I felt ME. Outfit number two came and I was ready to rock my two piece set.

After the session I took a break to have brunch and then I came back for my reveal. Before I had even seen the images I was feeling on top of the world. I thought I was the hottest thing in Cleveland (mind you, Khloe Kardashian didn’t live there yet).

And the confidence continued to build during the reveal- I wasn’t even nervous to see them. I knew I had stretch marks, flab, scars, lumps, bumps and cellulite, but when I looked at these, I didn’t see that. I saw beauty. I saw strength (trust me, my muscles quivered in some of those poses). I saw a fierceness I hadn’t seen in a long time. I loved them so much I bought a full album for my husband, I bought a wall art display, I bought a night stand piece, I bought all the digitials. I just couldn’t part with them! I loved them! I loved ME!

And you know what? I showed everyone I could, even if they barely showed interest. I took my album to my nail salon, I showed acquaintances, I showed off. And now I’m going to show you.

Thank you so much Jenni for an incredible experience and treating me like royalty.